KANISA GEORGE
They say when one door closes life opens another, and if you open your heart to change, beyond the pain and confusion, a new day is waiting to greet you with new possibilities and adventures undreamed of.
Each of life's failures is accompanied by a new path forged out of the remnants of the old, forcing us to press on without a clear idea of what's next. When friendships end or romantic relationships can no longer be sustained, life continues in a scurry, impressing upon us the need to move forward. Yet while we grapple with the loss of what once was, we are sometimes stuck with one leg wedged between the door frame and the rest of our body fighting tooth and nail to be released. It's one thing to open your mind to the possibility of moving on, but for many of us in the "in-between," the only thing missing to propel us into a state of acceptance is closure. How then do we achieve this? Why is it important for our future development? And more importantly, can we really depend on others to give us closure?
The phrase "the need for closure" was coined by social psychologist Arie Kruglanski in the late 1990s to refer to a framework used in decision making that aims to find an answer on a given topic that will alleviate confusion and ambiguity. In truth, the end of a relationship or the loss of something significant can lead to feelings of confusion and increased anxiety. What some of us don't realise is that this has a lot to do with our brain and how it deals with life's inevitabilities.
Well established research shows that when we form a strong emotional connection to another, they live in the emotional or limbic centre of our brains, occupying nerve cell pathways and physically live in the neurons and synapses of our brain. When this connection ends, the brain becomes confused and disoriented as the neuronal connections expect to see, hear, and feel that person. In essence, the brain centre becomes inflamed, searches for them and loses its regular supply of neurotransmitters, sending us into neurological withdrawal. This results in reduced endorphins, which modulate pain and pleasure pathways in the brain, and is usually responsible for the physical and emotional pain we feel during a breakup.
When we crave closure, it's our brains need to seek clarity. This is what Kruglanski referred to as the impulse of our brains to make sense out of a situation. When we seek closure, we seek answers to the cause of a specific loss to resolve the painful feelings existing. According to one writer, this is akin to forming a mental puzzle of what's happened. When we complete this puzzle, we can somehow reconcile those feelings, and once all the pieces fit, it might be possible to move on.
The need for closure doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. It spans all life's eventualities like the death of a loved one, loss of a job, or a miscarriage. Psychologist Pam Ramsden writes that having answers about past endings is one way of helping us maintain our identity and learn about our beh
