Dr Asha Pemberton
teenhealth.tt@gmail.com
ACCORDING TO emerging statistics, more and more young people live in blended families. They are created in many ways, each with its own unique characteristics. Despite their prevalence, blended families can present challenges for young people, particularly when they develop during their teen years.
The reality of a new partner entering the life of the parent of a teen can stir all kinds of emotions. In addition, new step-siblings and changing roles within the home can be upsetting, confusing or feel incredibly unfair. The process will take time. However, there are strategies that can be employed to optimise the integration of new family members.
Introducing your tween or teen to a new partner is a significant and important step which should be thoughtfully done. The impact of this process affects both the parent-teen relationship as well as the adult partnership itself. Although the excitement of new romances and next steps can be intoxicating, it is suggested that parents take time with these introductions.
Although in life there is never a guarantee, it is best that the parent feels quite confident that their partner will be a constant figure in their life before meeting. In addition, take time to have conversations with your tween or teen about their feelings in general. Young people rarely respond well when they feel blind-sided and this is especially because they crave autonomy and control in their lives.
With this considered, parents should give young people an opportunity to voice their feelings and take them into account as decisions are made.
Once you feel ready to make the introduction, plan it well. Consider when and where they will meet to help everyone feel as comfortable as possible. Anticipate that young people will have a range of emotions. For some, they may still be grieving the loss of a parent through death or divorce. In other cases, they may have always longed for a larger family and are excited. Others may still be overly protective of their parent and suspicious about the intentions of a new partner.
There is no end to possibly permutations which exist. The important takeaway is to recognise that young people will have strong emotions, which are likely to change but must be respected and managed empathetically.
Teens, especially, may resist and push back on building a relationship with a new adult or respecting their parenting roles. Each of these new relationships is unique and will require time to grow. As much as you hope that the process is seamless, expect that challenges will occur. Relationships are built over time and in many instances that means months and years as opposed to weeks.
Teens have diverse interests, many of which may align with things that a new partner or step-siblings enjoy. These can be important pivot points upon which to help cultivate relationships. Acknowledging similar interests and making dedicated efforts to create these opportunities are helpful. A young person will need dedicated ti
