Kanisa George
WE ALL have that one friend, family member or colleague who loves to be the centre of attention.
Easily identified by their over-the-top posturing and insatiable appetite for commanding the room, people who parade around as the world revolves around them have a truly unique deposition that makes it almost impossible for them to go unnoticed.
Like it or not, one's desire to be the focal point of any interaction isn't only born out of a slew of unresolved psychological issues; it's quite often influenced by a desire to feel important.
The need to be recognised or valued by others isn't a desire that is always met with positive assertions. Cognisant of the risk of appearing narcissistic, people can sometimes tussle around with their feelings on account of emotional scarcity due to a lack of human connection.
While attention is the perception of being noticed by others, in terms of one's presence and actions, importance has a far more significant impact on our emotional health. It refers to the feeling of being significant to someone, as expressed through sentiments of concern and actions of caring for one's needs, thoughts and behaviours.
It's not to say that feeling important automatically equates to fulfilled emotional needs, for this requires far more emotional support and a decent mix of self-regulation.
What many psychologists suggest, however, is that satisfying the desire to feel important or the need for significance is a fundamental aspect of the human experience that many of us sadly underrate.
John Dewey couldn't have said it better: the deepest urge in human nature is the desire to feel important. Isn't that what all of us want?
Even when our egos get in the way, or we've done it all on our own, we really want someone to acknowledge that we've done an excellent job.
Conversely, what many might sometimes deem an overbearing trait (rightfully so, given the context), the desire to feel important impacts our behaviour, relationships and how well we navigate the world after experiencing loss.
One writer cites that the desire to be important is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human psychology that, in some ways, forces us to seek some level of validation.
A ground-breaking 1981 study conducted by Rosenberg and McCullough sought to deconstruct the concept of well-being by focusing not only on the individual's responsibility, but also on how the social and contextual elements can promote well-being. After all, no man is an island.
But can we efficiently regulate our emotions when a significant part of our existence depends on our interactions with others?
Flett, GL (2020), in his study titled The Fear of Not Mattering: Development and Correlates of a New Measure, showed that people experience happiness when interacting with others who make them feel important and significant. This feeling of importance or mattering is linked with multiple indicators of positive adjustment, such as self-compassion or unconditional self-acceptance.
When an individual's percept
