Kanisa George

WHEN THE going gets tough because of conflict or disagreement, addressing the source of your frustration isn't usually the first port of call. Some of us love to stew in our displeasure, others clamour about the wrongdoer, or better yet, we ignore the situation and act like it didn't happen.

Doing what makes you feel better in the moment always seems like the best option. And right or wrong, whatever path we take, it usually intends to resolve the dispute, even if it is only in our head, one way or the other.

Sometimes the method we use isn't adopted merely to avoid an impending conflict but rather to teach the offender a lesson and assume a sense of authority that might not be easily achieved otherwise. Boisterous verbal confrontation, physical contact and even extreme emotional involvement might be enough to settle the score of a verbal spat, but silence, that, my friends, is far more potent than any venomous, vile spiel.

Silence is often regarded as the best approach for dealing with complex, emotionally charged situations. Refraining from violence or "remaining silent" is usually advised to minimise a potentially deadly encounter, particularly when interactions are extremely violent.

Confucius couldn't have said it better, for, in the end, silence is a true friend who never betrays. Yet often, in our quest to triumph against wrongdoers, we use silence not as an attempt to be the better person but as a tool to control, manipulate and spite. Instead of holding our tongues to maintain peace, we sometimes use silence to teach others a lesson.

Some of you might recognise this behaviour without fully understanding its meaning. And those of us familiar with the power potentially garnered from its use know all too well about using the silent treatment.

The silent treatment, which even I am guilty of from time to time, is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person, usually after a dispute. People who use the silent treatment may even take it a step further and refuse to acknowledge the other person's presence. The silent treatment can encompass an array of various acts and range from a person ignoring something you've said to texts going unanswered or being stonewalled.

Remaining silent can be a form of self-protection, and this is often used by people who lack effective communication skills or need to retreat or distance themselves to work things out. Sometimes people can't quickly process complex situations and freeze in silence. These feelings are often a momentary reaction to an emotionally charged encounter resulting in anger, frustration, or being too overwhelmed to address the problem.

When the silent treatment is used as a power play or to control the narrative unilaterally, it can indicate a broader pattern of control or emotional abuse. Using the silent treatment to hurt another person for an extended period or controlling when the silence ends and speaking to everyone except that person might be tantamount to emotional abuse. Even in situations where the perpetrat