PAULINE Bharat, the mother of six-year-old Sean Luke, feels she has received no justice, no joy and no real closure, after a High Court judge delivered a guilty verdict on two men accused of killing him 15 years ago, in March 2006.
Sitting in the garage of her family's home at Henry Street West in Orange Valley, Couva, Bharat spoke from her heart.
Occasionally she stared with tear-filled eyes in the direction of the nearby bushy area where Sean's body was discovered.
She showed reporters pictures of herself and Sean embracing in happier times.
"That was a happy Pauline.
"When I woke up this morning. I prayed as I prayed every day. I said, 'Father, let your will be done. Whatever happens today, it's your will and not mine.'"
On the guilty verdict on her son's killers, Bharat said, "I just paused there and I took it in. It brings me no joy.. This brought me no joy at all.
"My faith is not in people, my faith is in the Most High. I have turned myself over to him, for him to do his will."
Bharat said the accused, Akeel Mitchell and Richard Chatoo, did not realise "it still have another place that they have to face. Even though they faced (judgement) here, whatever happens...this is man's law..."Bharat said the judgement awaiting Mitchell and Chatoo "is worse than this one."
But on the trial she commented, "This is the system and I am grateful that the system finally brought it to an end."
While Bharat said she will somehow find the strength to live the rest of her life, she said, "It's not over for me. It is not going to be over for me, until I reach on the other side...where I can finally hug my son and kiss him...and have that joy that the Most High said you would get that joy.
"That is what I am waiting for. I am waiting for that day."
But until then, she said, "I will still have to scream into my pillow and bawl down in the night when the whole of Orange Valley is sleeping and nobody would know what Pauline is going through."
Sean Luke’s memory lives on
She will never forget Sean.
"He is part of me. How could I forget?"
While Sean's murder happened 15 years ago, it does not feel that way to her.
"It feels for me like it happened just yesterday, just today. It doesn't change.
"They say time does heal, time does change. That is a lie! That is a lie from the pit of Hell! It doesn't change! You just learn how to deal with it. That's all!"
She said from the verdict, she got "some kind of closure but not real justice. I can't get justice. I can't.
"I want my son. That is the justice I want."
The trial took too long, she felt.
"I used to think that I was probably going to die and not get any justice. I had given up and I said whatever happens, happens."
“His killers should repent”
Recalling the violent way Sean was murdered, Bharat wondered if Mitchell and Chatoo felt any remorse for their crime.
"I don't know if it's haunting them, but I hope it does, and they repent, and it is up to the Most High to grant them whatever mercy.
"I know what is in store for them. It is
