KANISA GEORGE
How often do you think of yourself as an individual? Free from labels, responsibilities and obligations. Do you give any thought to who you are outside of your relationships or job? Very few of us do. In many ways, we were bred to strive to attain excellence in the varying roles that we play. Yet, no one ever teaches us the importance of developing a relationship with ourselves, of mastering the art of affirming personal agency.
With the pressure to conform to society's normative construct, the role of mother, daughter, wife, and friend sometimes overshadows the important relationship we must develop with ourselves. Many of us hit an impasse, for sometimes we cannot separate who we are in relationships from who we are when quiet moments find us.
How we act and respond to situations has a lot to do with our environment, and our environment is largely dictated by the many relationships in our lives. Friends influence our sense of style, parents suggest the best study options, and sometimes our partners have a lot to say about who our friends should be. Sadly, without even realising, we slowly conform to the influences around us and lose tiny bits of who we are.
Agency from a sociological perspective refers to the thoughts and actions taken by an individual that express their personal power. In a nutshell, personal agency is the power people have to think for themselves, form their own opinions and act in ways that shape their life trajectory. Having a sense of agency influences your individuality outside of your relationships. This foundation can be used to establish boundaries and develop emotional intelligence when the challenges of life appear.
While most women strive to maintain strong romantic relationships, many of us fail to continue supporting and maintaining a relationship with ourselves that fosters healthy levels of agency. Author of Daring to love, Tamsen Firestone, wrote that it is important for individuals to strive to maintain a strong sense of independence and autonomy and a well-developed point of view in a relationship. This is especially important for women who are frequently faced with a barrage of information that tacitly suggests they should do all they can "to keep dey man."
Completely losing your voice in a relationship could do far more harm than good and has the potential to erode important aspects of your personality. When a woman's dependency on her partner dominates a healthy sense of agency, her life in one way or the other loses its equilibrium. One relationship expert challenged individuals to answer the question: how dependent are you on your spouse, and what can you do to decrease your dependence but still maintain your relationship?
Romantic relationships aren't the only ones that threaten to undermine a woman's sense of agency. In fact, one of the most important relationships in a woman's life has the potential to significantly alter the relationship she has with herself. After giving birth, wo
