THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY
BC PIRES
TO WRITE a startlingly original newspaper column, you've got to copy others unashamedly and, in 1999, I stole a great idea from the Miami Herald's Robert Steinback who, every January, wrote a column making predictions for the coming year and assessing the accuracy of his predictions from the year before.
Since 2011, I have stunned readers with the accuracy of the previous year's first prediction, as you will now see:
* Lula will win the Brazilian election but Jair Soprano's supporters will do a Brazilian copy of the US Capitol's January 6 insurrection. Really impressive, until I admit that I just added it to the top of last year's prediction list this morning, trusting that no one will remember it wasn't in the prediction list last year.
* The US Supreme Court will overrule Roe v Wade; Justice Amy Catholic Looney will boast she prayed over her decision and Jesus told her every sperm was sacred. Completely true, although only Jesus and Amy know about the second bit for sure.
* Iran will develop a nuclear bomb and will try to attack Israel but one brave Israeli will prevent it. Partially correct. Iran developed attack drones and gave them to Russia to wood Ukraine.
* Mia Amor Mottley's Barbados Labour Party will win Barbados's general election. Correct.
* The Taliban, posing as the Republican Party, will take the Senate back in the US mid-term elections. Very glad to say completely wrong.
* Fox News will report the Adam and Eve creation myth is true; that Firetrucker Carlson will report as fact that God is white. Both true. And now part of House Speaker Kevin McCarthy's official rule book, as amended by the crazy maggot fringe.
* Trinidadian anti-vaxxers will demand champion covidiot Novaxx Standing Joke of Which be appointed TT president. Not true yet, but don't underestimate local anti-vaxx/anti-Christine Kangaloo stupidity.
* Emmanuel Macron will win the French presidential election, Jair Brain-So-Narrow will lose the Brazilian one. Both correct.
* Bell-bottoms will come back in. Would have happened if British PM Rishi Sunak didn't bring back bamcee-squeezer/ankle breezer pants as a style.
* Media Moron President for Life Kevin Badly-Posing-as-Clever will write a letter to the editor explaining the Earth is flat. Probably happened. Who checks on Kev?
And here are my predictions for this year:
* The Government of TT will be exposed as history's longest running Ponzi scheme.
* Donald Fat Man Trump will be indicted over his attempt to overturn the Georgia election but he will think it really means Brad Raffensperger 'found' the votes he needed.
* West Indies will petition the International Cricket Council to create the first World Cup of T/20 Soft Ball Beach Cricket with a Bucket of Water for the Ball. We will win the first cup and lose every other beach game afterwards.
* The TT Court of Appeal will declare Watson Duke the leader of the Progressive Democratic Patriots entitled to all seats won in the THA but hold that the dama
