It started with a lump in my right armpit just as Breast Cancer Awareness Month was wrapping up in October, and culminated with the word “benign” – an ending that has the makings of a Hallmark Christmas movie.
Except that the in-between experience felt more like an ominous Bird Box plot, with a stifling level of uncertainty and me wearing a proverbial blindfold in order to avoid the influences of the many things that could cause me to plunge into hysteria.
When I visited the doctor, as is always recommended when a woman detects a lump, especially around the breast area, I was certain that my entire body was riddled with cancer cells and that I had no more than a few days to live. My doctor told me based on what she felt during the exam, I and my albeit “dense” breasts seemed healthy. But, out of an abundance of caution, she referred me to the TT Cancer Society to do further diagnostic tests.
I, however, could not rest easy until I had the results of those tests in my hand. For although I took solace in my doctor’s expertise, I have interviewed and told the breast cancer stories of so many women over the years that I was taking nothing for granted. I remember my former colleague and friend Sandra Chouthi, whose discovery of the disease that eventually took her life began with just a mere dimple on one of her breasts. I recall Keisha Butcher’s story, with her first sign being a “toasty” look on the skin of her breast, and Tezhuannae Glasgow’s tale of courage and a positive outlook. But they too eventually succumbed to cancer. I was terrified!
I wasn’t ready to leave my one child, whose life I want to live to see as it unfolds – the good the bad and the ugly. I want to feel the pride of his life experiences and accomplishments, to advise him when he needs direction, and to be there to console him when he needs a shoulder to cry on or comfortable arms in which to drown his sorrows: graduations; first job; first car; first, second and third girlfriends; marriage if he chooses it; travel; my grandchildren; heartbreaks; sickness; disappointments – I want to be there for everything.
[caption id="attachment_927990" align="alignnone" width="548"] Carol Quash -[/caption]
I wasn’t ready to leave my family, immediate and extended, and I still have so many things to accomplish – things I have put off because life got in the way.
I also still have plenty of lazing around to do. I just was not ready to leave it all!
Whenever I became overwhelmed during those days of uncertainty, I also recalled some of the other stories I’ve told. The ones in which breast cancer left its physical and emotional scars but was unable to conquer. Women like Helen Mullon, whose beautiful smile belies what she’s been through; Jody Valentine, whose hunger for life is intense; Sarita Rampersad, who refuses to let cancer control her life; Vikki Ramdass, who uses her story to educate others about cancer; Sherma Joseph, who learnt to put everything in perspective after her battle; and Candice
