DR RADICA MAHASE
“When my child was two years old, I realised that something was wrong. It was clear that something was wrong. He wasn’t making eye contact, he didn’t respond to his name, he wasn’t even making sounds.
"Deep down I knew that something was wrong, but I refused to accept it. I waited another two years before I found the strength to take him to the doctor and get him diagnosed. I think I waited that long because I refused to believe that my child might have some kind of special needs. I told myself that nothing was wrong, that it’s okay if he wasn’t looking at us; that eventually he will know his name and look up when I call him.
"I made excuses for when he wasn’t saying words – when relatives told me that boys take longer to talk, I started believing that and even comforted myself with that. It took four years before I found the strength to get my child diagnosed and another three years of counselling to accept my son’s special needs.”
Denial is one of the common emotions some parents experience when their children are diagnosed with special needs or some type of disability. According to Ann Logsdon, a school psychologist who specialises in helping parents and teachers support students with a range of disabilities, “Denial is refusing to acknowledge that your child has a disability…It's profoundly frightening for some parents to acknowledge a disability. Denial usually comes from a deep-rooted fear that their child will struggle in life or be rejected by others, which are often a parent's worst nightmare.”
Denial is usually manifested at different levels and evident in different ways.
Parents/caregivers might make excuse for things that their children cannot do. Marie, the parent who spoke of her experience above, said, “When my son wasn’t saying words, I said, 'He’s just a baby, he will talk when he’s ready.' My aunt had told me that boys take longer to talk and I held on to that. So even when I saw the months turning into a year and he still wasn’t saying words, I kept telling myself that he’s a baby boy and he’s going to take a little longer and that’s okay.
"It was my way of coping with him not reaching that milestone.”
[caption id="attachment_980949" align="alignnone" width="1024"] Denial can cause some parents to blame teachers ,etc., when their children don't meet milestones. - Courtesy Rahul's Clubhouse[/caption]
Some parents blame others for their child’s failure to reach milestones. According to Logsdon, “Parents make excuses for their child's academic setbacks because they don't want to accept a disability. They may blame their child's struggles on teachers or a spouse instead. Or, they may accuse the child of being lazy…”
One parent noted, “When my son was diagnosed, I blamed the gynaecologist – for not picking up on it when I was pregnant. Then I blamed the paediatrician: maybe he didn’t give my child the proper care he needed?
"At some point I convinced myself that it was his first shots that stopped h
