This is when you need to get help: when you have absolutely no doubt that you do not need help. When you have no reason even to entertain doubt. When you have an answer for every question about why you’re behaving the way you do. When you can justify all your moods and reactions. On the days when it seems something is definitely wrong with everybody else.
This is when it may be time to get help.
I’m sure it’s the right time because at all other times, we’re never sure about everything. Or as defensive.
The thing that is wrong need not be life-threatening. Maybe you’re a bit out of it. Maybe you’re feeling a bit low. A bit can’t-get-it-together. Or tired; you could be tired all the time. Or angry. Or quick to anger. Maybe you feel like you just want to be alone. A lot.
None of these things is unusual by themselves or even all at once, for a little while. But when it starts to roll into weeks or months and that drowning feeling isn’t going away, or worse, it’s getting drownier, it’s time to get help.
Apart from people who have given fairly clear evidence that they are a threat to themselves or others – through a suicide attempt, for instance – most of us are not inclined to think anything is sufficiently wrong with us that we can’t deal with it on our own.
Many of us are wrong.
But what are “wrong” and “help” and to whom should we turn when we suspect these are words we need to start thinking about?
There’s more than a good chance that others will notice something is wrong with you before you do. We don’t always see ourselves clearly, and even when we do, we’re likely to ignore what we see or explain it away.
Think of it like having a mild headache. You know it’s there, but you have to go to work or school. You think you have it under control and really, it’s not bothering anyone but you. Why worry anyone with it? We are conditioned not to heap worries on others.
Depression, at one level or another, is the most pervasive of all the troubles that afflict our minds. Let’s use depression as our stand-in for a slew of potential problems. Remember, it’s not the only thing that can be wrong, we’re just using it to set some targets and gauges.
On the outside of you (the part of the world that is not in your head) there are other people: colleagues, family, friends, strangers, pets. And they do notice something is amiss. They see that you’re struggling with your assignments and deadlines. You’re snappish and impatient. You’re in your room or office claiming to work, but the lights are off. And you’re under a blanket. (I don’t know why you get to keep a blanket at work, but let’s pretend.) In the middle of the day.
Yes, they may have noticed something is off. But you don’t tell them anything is wrong because you can power through it. Can’t you?
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Most people under some form of mental distress go through their entire lives like this. Either intermittently or sustained, they plod on in a world that feels increasingly unmanage
