DR ASHA PEMBERTON

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

As we approach the end of another challenging year, we should reflect on the opportunities for growth as well as the adversities we faced that built our resilience. Regardless of the directions in which life took us, we can find reasons to be grateful. The very ability to read this article, to breathe in the air, to connect with family for the season. It is important for our children and teens to feel and express more gratitude. Adolescents are naturally highly attuned to the lives of their peers and often feel entitled or self-absorbed. They compare themselves to what they see or to the images projected in the media (although largely unreal) and become dissatisfied with themselves. Gratitude is the very opposite. Gratitude is closely associated to happiness and some authors contend that two are indistinguishable from one another. When we are grateful, our minds are filled with positivity, emotions, confidence and compassion despite adversity. When we are entitled, there is often frustration, disappointment or arrogance.

How do we help an entitled adolescent become happier through gratitude?

A unique developmental task of adolescence is to individuate from parents. Through this process many young people express dissatisfaction or adopt a “know it all” attitude, in attempt to demonstrate their autonomy. Parents often directly push against this leading to conflict. This also inadvertently shows teens that their lives are stressful and could be better by providing another reason for them to complain. A positive parenting approach involves recognising and accepting their attempts at independence and reminding them to be grateful for the decisions they are allowed to make. In so doing, parents can authenticate their needs to individuate and slowly change their mind-set.

Allow them to take the lead. Within homes, let young people make suggestions about chores, grocery choices and other family-based activities. Teenagers learn when they are able to feel the power of the decisions and consequently manage outcomes one way or the other. By providing these opportunities, parents can indirectly show them that there is privilege in the ability to make decisions and they in turn should be grateful.

Use humour. Teenagers are particularly sensitive to nagging and constant reminders of their challenging areas. Instead, parents may choose to use laughter as a guide to a wider perspective. As they develop through adolescence, young people have a greater capacity for abstract thinking. This refers to their ability to see the “bigger picture” in life. Humour is a valuable tool that helps convey concepts or information in a non-threatening way. Younger children often are not able to understand the context and innuendo of some humour but adolescents are able to. Parents often find this to be a very effective way to communicate, without sarcasm or conflict and thus help teenagers appreciate and see beyond the immediate.

Cultivate a growth mind-set. When the challenges and difficult